.:.:. My World .:.:.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Everything tt has a beginning has an end. Now i noe wad it means.My life is so pissed today. Juz wondering wad r frens for. Frens r those hu wont wait for even 15-30 mins? Frens r those hu lied and carrying on the lie even thou ask again n again? Frens r those toking abt sth among themself n u dont understand a word? Or is it tt frens are those hu hide everything frm u? Thot i've learnt not to trust ppl so easily since young. But it isnt so. Until today, i still realised i'm still believing n trusting.
From my family, to Alex,to feng den today...Eugene and the 3 gers. Wad is left for mi? Anger? Hatred? Sadness? Tears? Tis is really terrible for mi. For about 10 yrs or more. Same old thing repeating. Still cant get the reason behind all these. So tired now. Wad is to trust? What is to believe? It's juz all crapz..I hate my life. It juz seemed like nobody can b trusted, not even own family. This life is like hell. But hu noes.. n hu bothers? Now I understand how some ppl, mayb like hanisah, feel n i noe i'm much more better off than her problems.It doesn realli matter if i haf frens or not. I juz dont care or gif a damn. Would u rather haf no frens? Or u rather haf frens hu cant trust too much? But 10s to ah hong..Really thank u for ur useful advice and encouragement..Happi to haf a fren like u..N sorri for bombing u wif so much problems.

4:43 PM

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Hmmz...Last nite went dinner at Yoshinoya wif my mom,sis and bro...after tt went for a movie at 11.40..Catwoman...Tt show not bad lar...by the tiem it end..it's already 1++am.. So dead tired...went to wash up n haf a nice nice slp...Woke up at 10+am... n ordered mac as breakfast..seems like every sunday morning will haf macdonald's meal as breakfast... Then watch the drama at 11am...after the show...mi, my bro and eugene went to bishan...was suppose to buy sth frm 37 degrees lar...but it close down for renovation liao... den we saw a william hung dance troupe...sth liek competition? LoLx...kinda funny there lar...ppl all looking at the stage..When heard the hung's song..can c everybody running out of the shops to watch...even frm upstairs...so crowded...Den mi and my bro bought peach and watermelon honey sticks..LoLx..After tt..we went for a movie at 4.35pm..Borne supremacy..Not realli nice lar...but exciting at some part..My bro was disturbing there...coz he din understand y the ppl haf to chase after Borne... HaHa...I now realise the onli show which i haven watch is Collateral..Is it nice? i Dont noe...but i know i cant waste moni like tt anymore... i'm still waiting for Face,Open waters,Anacondas,White chicks and the hong kong ghost film "San gen" LoLx...broke liao lah...Hmmz... after the movie...we went baq to northpoint timezone for some games....and when eugene left...mi n my bro met up my mom and sis for dinner at foodcourt..n i bought pacs of corn sweet..to b distributed to my frens tml...haha... after tt.. I BOUGHT A NEW WATCH!! so happi... I used my own moni to buy... my sis bought 1 too..n i paid for her -.-" The weather today is sooo damn hot... but y friday is a whole day rain day??

11:34 PM

Thursday, August 19, 2004

It has been a long long time since i blog...nth much to blog lar... But today oso nth much... Feeling kinda depressed.. Whole day was like...disaster befalling... Today's POA test was a sure fail test...i didn noe how to do it...i was half awake the whole day...during recess...sudden breakdown of nervous system...i started to laff when lynn was toking to mi...i didn noe y or wad i was laffing lar...n lynn didn say anything funny....i juz LAFF... LoLx...sounds kinda possessed? today having POA achiever's programme...tt arrogant relief teacher came in n started accusing...How did she become a teacher? at half an hr b4 the programme end...mr joseph came in n discuss 2 qn...stupid sial... After the lessons...mi,priya,meena and syu went to northpoint foodcourt to eat... it's soooo tired today...mayb coz i slpt at 1+am last nite? And i'm confident my predictions are correct...although priya kept denying... muahahahahaha

7:05 PM

Thursday, August 05, 2004

17 may,
The offline event is finally here, me and him agreed to go and buy some things for the game.But remembering my god brother's birthday is on the 22th this month, we decided to buy him a gift before we go for the event.We meet up in the late morning, under the void deck of my house, both of us...wearing jeans, and the same brand of shirt - quiksilver. I remembered the first time we met, we also wore the same brand of shirt, which we did not even tell each other what we'r wearing. It's such a coincidence on the first meet.. and i thought...everything will go well. On this day, 17 may, we went around the shopping centre looking for a gift, which suits a 12 year old boi. It's kind of tough as i dont really know what my god brother likes...and in the end after walking for so long, we decided to get a ducky(stuff toy) for him. It's cute n i hope he'll like it...after buying, we headed to jurong point to meet up with my god brother..This shy boy, accompanied by his friend, was playing hide and seek with me in jurong point.. am i that scary? Haha..he's just too shy i guess. I handed him the gift and we walked separate ways. Me and him then, head to the pet shop beside the shopping centre as there was still some time for the event to start. We were joking and admiring those cute creatures in the pet shop. It's realli wonderful to laugh and admire cute things with the person u love. At about 2pm, afraid that we might be late, we took a taxi down to Funan IT mall. We were holding hands throughout the journey. When we reach Funan, we were suppose to look for a Lan games shop. Only there can hold these offline game events. Tt's why we search the whole Funan for the Lan shop. But in the end, it was at the basement. We'v spend almost 45 mins walking and finding the shop, and it ended up in the basement. Happily laffing at our own folishness.

It's quite boring there as we dont noe anybody there, so we bought our things at the price of $72 for 20+ cards, and decided to go for a long walk. From Funan, we walked to clarke quay, it's not realli a nice place in the morning, but i was very happi, coz he's wif mi. It realli feels comfortable wif him, on the way we chat abt lots of things and cracking jokes, both lame and pratical jokes. We laffed all the way, without thinking abot other ppl ard us. It's like the whole stretch of rd we walk onli belongs to us and onli us. When we reach the taxi ride station. I had the sudden urge to take a ride in the river. but, we've spent too much moni and haf not enuff left.. mayb juz left a few dollars for out dinner? Well, i was feeling so sad after tt, but he manage to keep mi happi again. He promised tt he'll bring mi here some other time to take the ride. It make me feel so alive again. He nv fails to make mi happi. Then, we headed to Macdonalds among the shophouses. It's quite big as there's a 2nd storey for eating. we bought a nuggets meal and chose a cosy corner to sit. The air con is quite cold in there, but i'm feeling warmth wif him beside mi.we sat there for hrs toking, laffing and soon enuff, i was lying on his broad shoulders wif his arms ard mi. This is the true warmth which i noe i will never get from other ppl in my life. despite of the cold temperature in macs. At abt 6pm, we left macs for Fullerton Hotel. He works in Fullerton Hotel as a part time job, and he showed mi ard the place. Mi, admiring the Koi fish, did not bear to leave the place.And he showed mi the back garden of the hotel. It's so nice in there...

Again, we walk. We walked to the Esplanade. There's alot of ppl near the river. Families and couples, and we'r one of them. We sat on the wall of the river and watch the water flow, enjoying the breeze of the nite. It really feels so wonderful - Romantic. It's getting late, and the both of us should be going, he held my hand tightly and led mi through the esplande heading to the bus stop outside suntec. As we were walkign through the Esplanade, there's a shop selling strawberry wif choco. I suddenly feel so tempted, and he bought one for mi. It cost about $1 and i feel so pampered. We took a bus frm suntec back to the interchange near my hse. And on the bus, although it was cramp like sardine, we still fell asleep. Me, again lying on his shoulders, with him hugging mi and his head on mi. This is the first time we were so exhausted that both of us fell aslp. I can feel tt ppl in the bus are looking at us. But who cares? with him around, i realli feel comfortable and secure. When we reach interchange, it was already abt 9+, Although exhausted, he still sent me right to my block before he went home, which is a few mrt stations away.With him, I felt really pampered,secure and comfort. It's really nice to have him around. And i'm filled with happiness on this day. This is the day, where no stress and no naggings can be found, onli happiness and warmth. This day will be the day where i'll never ever forget. Thanks, my dear.

24 August (following yr)
It has been almost a year since the breakup. Juz dont know what really happened, we broke up. It's a hell for me at that time. My heart is going everywhere, shattered into pieces. All i did was cry and cry and cry. Never expected this to happen. Things were so wonderful, but it had to end. And for my end-of-year exam, I flung it. I did not concentrate in class, all i think was him. Images of him appeared every now and then. But i managed to control my tears when i'm outside. Only when i'm alone, I'm back to myself-No pretence of smile and laughter, onli the true me lives. Although we still chat sometimes, but the feeling is different, i'll just feel like crying whenever i'm talking to him. It really hurts me alot. His back is injured long time ago,and I wanted to take care of him, even for the rest of my life. But i know it's impossible. I know how he's like, he wont come back for sure... But i know i'm always prepared to help him or take care of him. After he left, I felt so hopeless and sadness. It feels so terrible that i feel like leaving this world. This kind of feeling has never come across me before. Recently, he messaged me in Messenger again. It's been a long time since we chatted. But somehow, my tears fell again. It just fell continously. And i cant stop it. I knew i really missed him, but i dont know what I can do. I think he's the only nicest guy i ever known and needed. I wanted to tell him that i still loved him, but i know i'll only add pressure and stress to him. I really missed him.

Only this 2 entries make mi feel so emotional..haha.. hope u like it..=P

10:50 PM